After a month of reflecting, I decided that my 2020 core desired feelings would be to feel ‘light and at ease’. I was so intentional about stepping into this year with that energy. This weekend I was having a conversation with my sister & the song ‘Got to Be Real’ by Cheryl Lynn came on. We stopped in the middle of our conversation, blared the music as loud as the speakers allowed and we danced around the living room for the simple fact that it was our jam (this song truly feels like joy to us). It was odd. I felt a very brief moment of liberation. And then I felt guilty after allowing myself to have such an exhale right now.
I truly do want to feel ‘light and at ease’, (I always say I want to feel like Tracee Ellis Ross because she’s the epitome of “light and at ease” right?) which is far from what I’m currently feeling. I want my thoughts and interactions to flow and I don’t want to feel weighed down by the heaviness of the world or what it means to live in this world as a black woman. But unfortunately, we don’t have the privilege of innately feeling ‘light and at ease’ right now.
We’re all experiencing so many emotions and we tell ourselves it’s not okay to have a moment to exhale or indulge. Everything is not okay but you deserve the space to sort your emotions (no matter how wide the range) and feel whatever comes up.
Don’t try to numb it or exile any feelings that make you uncomfortable. Rage, confusion, hopelessness, grief, optimism. Feel whatever you need to feel, when you need to feel it. As long as you aren’t allowing acceptance to creep in right now. I think we all are triggered by the injustices happening to our community daily, outside of Rona & before Rona because this ain’t the first time our community has felt enraged over police brutality & systematic oppression.
When I was dancing with my sister last week I felt a brief moment of bliss. This morning I felt hopeless. Right now I feel tense and enraged. Right now, I am an angry black women. And for the first time I’ve allowed myself the space to be that. Please see below for more resources to help make an impact right now. Supporting the movement doesn’t end because Tuesday is over. Black lives matter today and every day.
Resources:
You can donate, sign petitions, & most importantly SUBSCRIBE to stay up to date with credible information and updates in each of these cases. https://theactionpac.com/
Petitions and platforms to donate & make calls.
The open dialogue is appreciated. It just has to continue & evolve into action so something actually changes. Please continue talking about these issues and sharing them with your communities & families. I think to be enraged is an appropriate feeling right now. It’s not a very comfortable feeling, but that’s okay because comfort zones never got anyone anywhere and never attributed to change.
Now, say their names.